journaling a saturday in MAY

its been quite sometime that i have worked and trained with this news broadcaster back here in India .

nice workplace , good people to be around with and above all lots of Learning ! Although i wasnt really content with what i was doing and had done until now,i still had hopes to make my place …rather first find my place in this org!

, having joined a music show and getting the full liberty to work as a producer ; now i somehow find that contentment , its there yet its small …. maybe cornered somewhere inside but still making its presence felt… . although i am not too experienced with this work that i can decide if this is what i want !! but so far now it seems it will work me well …

going out there …shooting concerts…scripting…conceptualizing shows…working on plans …editing …. meeting people…travelling…. i think im getting everything i wanted …ofcourse except sleep and rest !! something i have been depraved of since a month now and i have no idea how i am coping up with it , but here i am…still alive !!

it was more of a burden until now , to have to work for a team and in an environment i disliked , spending  hours and hours working on what i could not even relate myself with …. it was sad !!

Now…… im always on my toes , i work non stop … i get exhausted and sometimes alone…sometimes i fear if i can do it at all ? and othertimes i doubt if i would like it so? and sometimes i just become laidback…

i cannot say how this will be… but for the time being its going good … its going fine…

i think music has been a part of my life always… and now that i get a chance to associate with even better …. i think i am not just lucky but very happy too….

maybe all the hardwork and dedication pays off….maybe this will turn into what i want it to be….perhaps this will be promising !


just another day # 1

the magic of human mind … the beauty of its creations at its best….

a simple cut / copy / paste function in a not so simple laptop

how quickly the text just disappears and re appears gracefully , almost mystically in another space…. like the sun playing hide and seek on a rainy day …… the words go invisible and then re appear , every time leaving this amused feeling behind…..

how beautiful is the transition ….. it almost went ” Slow-mo” right here in front of my eyes …. like…. time just rolled a little too slow…. only to reveal me this originality ………… the beauty of the mundane..


Contemplation of death

I am not a crapehanger but I don’t hesitate pondering upon death. I have always wondered if it really means the end of everything or is just the beginning.

So maybe it is the end of a waking consciousness; the decay of a physical self and the beginning of an endless journey for a soul.

You might think I have lost it or probably I am some occult practitioner who worships Satan and talks of evil but let me tell you I am none of these but the very fact that death is so mysterious makes it a muse, not just mine but of many others too.

Somebody once said that Death is just a phenomenon and the one who is about to die knows his end is near. So is it possible that probably each one of us would know exactly when, where and how we would die? I mean does death really give us signs; does it give us a caveat emptor that in most cases hence goes ignored.

What happens to the soul when one is dead? Does it leave the earthly physical realm and enter into the void? Or does the soul embark on its journey to an altogether different world? But like they say that there are only a few souls that are freed from the cycle of life and death, then what happens to others? Where do they go and what do they do apart from haunting the living?

They say that for sometime after a person’s death, they can still hear and see the world as it is but they cannot communicate with it. So probably if you ever end up dying an unfortunate death, you can actually spy on that unfaithful mate of yours and spook the soul out of them too , if at all you can do that ( the other theory says souls can).

If death really means the final liberation then how long does the soul wait for that?

I think to me its more like astral travel to some other realm until your soul chooses to return for a purpose unresolved and if this is possible then what is this other world like and where does it exist? do they even need this refuge?

The maker’s of movie “final destination” came with this thought that death always gives you signs. I know it’s grim and probably to some it even sounds ridiculous but think about those times we all have faced; we exactly knew something terrible is going to happen, like we have this gut feeling of high discomfort about a road trip or a u-turn you just took. Is it your intuition that’s guiding you or is it some supernatural being (like god or angels or yeah the Vatican’s favourite “devil”) warning you “hey you better watch out, there’s something waiting for you ahead?

Does our inner self really know everything and if it does then why is not everybody able to dig into this info-bank and retrieve answers to all questions? Or why at the first hand when we have access to all information, we end up screwing ourselves so badly that some of us even die? Why is this process to spiritual enlightenment so tough if the powers are equally given to all?

What about those people who knew they would meet with an accident; they knew all possible bits of information, they might have had visions and other spooky stuff and yet they ignore the message. How then we still cannot avoid death?

So is it all bad luck? But like the metaphysics theories when we can control our destiny then why can’t death be tamed too?

Across the world there are people who have had near death experiences, who have seen this strange light and done astral travel and came back. There are proofs of these people living and sharing their experiences. There are also people who have told of seeing death, they knew their time has come; they claim of different supernatural events that happened with them like “Seeing the Grim Reaper “ ehh sound’s scary but they have shared such incidents with the loved ones who apparently couldn’t feel same because it wasn’t yet their time. So then does death unveils itself only to those whose time is nearing? Or it’s omnipresent and maybe it’s right there standing in the form of a tree which is about to fall and you don’t realize it until you read the next day’s headlines saying “one person killed because of a thunderstorm last night, body found crushed beneath a tree”.

I have met people who have described to me exactly how they might die, it’s like they have chosen for themselves out of a menu card; so sure as if their life plan was already disclosed to them or like they designed it themselves. I have experienced a lot many times the- “I knew it will happen” feeling and therefore I cannot possibly challenge these claims by people who say they knew how and when they would die.

Well, I really don’t have an answer to many of the questions that I have asked and I don’t know if I will get them any sooner , however death will still continue to remain an enigma to humans and maybe there are freaks like me out there ( I’m sure that’ what you’re calling me by now ) who are also looking for answers and asking stupid weird questions and so hopefully someday we will know if not all then some of death’s secrets.

The social hyena

Imagine yourself in the middle of nowhere, amongst a crowd of unfamiliar creatures; some big,some small; different shapes ,sizes and looks for all. Some beings most gentle, some ferocious; some harmless and insipid but terrifying when needed, however there are some who will be unscrupulous.

Trying to fit yourself in the big herd, moving along and understanding the different creations for all your life, you have for sure come across an ugly looking and scary creature; can you hear its creepy laughter, it definitely doesn’t give a good feeling. It looks like its straight out from hell, big teeth and funnily distorted shape.

Imagine its appearance, Do you like it? You haven’t seen it yet but the sound of its laughter is enough to give you chills. Such is the feeling / vibe which one feels in the presence of a social hyena.

This creature has a very special place in our society, you can usually find them on high levels; be it workplaces or elsewhere. And for some they will disguise as friends; watch out because they are the most vicious ones, hard to spot and even tougher to overcome. Not to forget they are plentiful and their numbers never would fall, such is the plight of human existence; we like creating trouble for us and all.

They are not a chimera in literal terms but they are very human like hyena; preying upon the easy to get to. They take advantage of the innocent mind; they use you, squeeze you and topple over you to reach the top. And we all have a few such hyenas in our lives. But in reality the hyena is a respectable animal, defamed of stealing another’s prey.

Okay now stop grinning to yourself imagining their face. The comparison of a malevolent person with the hyena acts like a pipeline that lets out our inborn frustration of being misused.

Social hyenas plagiarize, they steal. They take advantage of the position or profile. Yes they are oxymoron’s who will never accept this fact. Unlike the animal counterpart they hunt alone but the target can be a herd and not just someone. Like a demon from your nightmare, it prowls upon you; lurking in the dark waiting for right time. And like the unaware goat to be slaughtered, you silently await your end. Such is their power that you consider yourself powerless.

But where does this power come from? Are the meek its source or Does the naive allow its discrimination; or it is the hyena’s intimidation? How does one deal with this monster? Do you stand up against the unfair or you silently acquiesce; accepting it as fate.

Never forget my friend that only the lion can subdues the hyena. Wake up the lion within you, its slumbered for too long. Get up and take back everything that’s yours; including yourself respect.

It is fear that gives power to this scamp. Search for its root; maybe you have created it and if so then you also have the power to destroy it .

The hyena only looks invincible but remember the lion always overpowers it.